47. Mani's Perplexity

Right from their school days, Balu and Mani were different from others of their age group. Having traits like discipline, politeness, respect for parents and teachers, focus on studies etc, they were virtually ostracized by other students.

After completing their schooling, the two joined different colleges and took up different jobs. But their friendship continued to thrive. Both were united by their inclination towards spirituality.

Balu got married. Balu's marriage was a shock to Mani who had unconsciously been harbouring the thought that both he and Balu would shun the wedlock and spend their entire life in pursuit o spirituality.

When Balu told Mani that his marriage had been finalized by his parents and that a date was fixed for the marriage, Mani was worried what kind of a person Man's fiancee was and how she would view Balu's friendship with him. However he didn't share his apprehensions with Balu.

But when Mani met Balu's wife Mallika, his apprehensions vanished.

"Your friend has told me about you. You two can be as close as you were before our marriage. I won't cause any hindrance to your friendship" she told him, as if she had sensed his apprehensions.

After the marriage, there were many changes in Balu. He was always speaking about his wife and his family. He was not spending much time with Mani as he did earlier. If Mani asked him to accompany him to some event or program, Balu was not always forthcoming. Many times, Mallika had to persuade him to go with Mani. Mani didn't have the mind to talk to Balu about the changes in his attitude and conduct.

After some time, Mani avoided inviting Balu to accompany him to the events he was attending. He kept himself busy by frequently going on a tour to visit temples and to participate in spiritual events, alone. But he was constantly tormented by the feeling of having lost something valuable.

Mani wanted to share his feelings with someone. The person who came to his mind immediately was his uncle Raghupathy. In some ways, Raghupathy was a guide to Mani. He was nearing fifty years of age. He was unmarried and devoting a major part of his time for visiting temples, attending spiritual discourses, going on pilgrimages etc. Employed in a government department, Raghupathy was spending his earnings and holidays in pursuit of spiritual activities.

Mani decided that Raghupathy was the right person to share his feelings with and went to his house on a holiday. He opened up his mind to Raghupathy, treating him like a friend.

Raghupathy listened to him patiently and then asked him, "What do you expect Balu to do?"

"I don't know" replied Mani. "But I seem to have lost him!"

"Doesn't Balu visit temples these days?"

"He does. He goes with his wife."

"That's what he could do! How do you expect him to leave his wife at home and go to places with you?"

"I don't expect that" said Mani, in protest.

"I understand. You don't know what to do. You feel you have lost something."

"Yes. That's true."

"To some extent it is true that you have lost your friend Balu. But there is a way for you come out of the feeling of that loss"

"What is that?"

"You should also get married!"

"No. I don't want to get married. I want to spend my life in spiritual pursuit and social service."

"Then, do so. Why do you feel sorry that Balu doesn't join you in your activities?"

"Well, I expected that like me, Balu would also remain unmarried."

"From what you say, it appears to me that you need a companion. You had the company of Balu all along. Hereafter, you should have a woman as your companion."

"No way!"

"I understand where this is coming from. In our young age, many of us are bitten by some ideology or other. 'I should remain unmarried and take care of my parents and siblings,' 'I should remain unmarried and devote my life to serving the poor and the needy,' 'I should remain unmarried and pursue a path of asceticism or spirituality,' 'I should remain unmarried, enter politics and reform the country,' 'I should remain unmarried and enjoy my life without any ties or commitments' etc. The common thread under al these ideas is to remain unmarried. The logic that if one is married, one will be burdened with responsibilities and will be forced to consider the wishes of the spouse and hence one cannot pursue one's ideology is correct. But in practice, it is difficult for anyone to live a life without a partner. It is pragmatic to get married and pursue one's interests to the extent possible. It is more glorious to get married and pursue our ideology to the extent of ten percent than to remain unmarried and pursue our ideology to the extent of hundred percent. The happiness and fulfillment you get in married life is something you can't experience, if you remain unmarried. There is no point in involving yourself in spiritual pursuit or social service, while living with a feeling of a void inside. I am not saying that the paths of celibacy and renunciation are wrong. These paths will be suitable only for some people."

"People like you?" asked Mani.

"No. I have also been experiencing a void in me. All these days, I was suppressing it and living life like a machine. But I have come to a decision now" said Raghupathy.

"What decision?"

"I am going to marry a woman working in my office. She has lost her husband. Thinking that she would also need a companion, I proposed to her and she accepted my proposal. We are getting married next month. It will be a simple function but I will invite you."

Mani remained silent.

"Look for a woman who can understand and appreciate your wishes. I think that Mallika, your friend Balu's wife, who knows about you, may be able to suggest a suitable match for you. Think about what I have said!"

Mani began to reflect on Raghupathy's advice.

Thirukkural
Section 1
The Path of Virtue

Chapter 5
Family Life

Verse 47 (In Tamil)

iyalbinAn ilvAzhkkai vAzhbavan enbAn
muyalvAruL ellAm thalai.

Meaning:

One who leads a normal and intimate family life is far ahead of those who seek other ways for obtaining bliss.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'maNiyin manakkuzhappam' by the same author)

Verse 48

Verse 46