730. Kamban's Disappointment!

Tamil teacher Kannappan went to see the Headmaster, on being summoned by the latter.

"Sit down, Mr. Kannappan. I am proud of you" said Vaidhilingam, the Headmaster.

"Thank you, sir. Any specific reason for you to  feel proud of me, sir?" asked Kannappan, overwhelmed by the unexpected praise showered on him.

"I have come across many Tamil teachers. But I have not seen another person like you, with such a keen interest in literature, profound understanding of the classics and an uncanny ability to explain the meanings of the literary works to the students, in an intelligible and interesting way."

"May I know how you made such an assessment about me, sir?" asked Kannappan, politely.

"When you were giving a lesson on Kamba Ramayanam* to the 10th grade, I happened to hear your words, while passing by your class. I thought I would stand there for a few minutes and listen to you. But, I couldn't move away, till your class got over!" said the Headmaster.

"Oh! If I had known that you were standing outside the classroom and listening to me, I wouldn't have been able to give my lesson at all!"

Ignoring Kannappan's words, Vaidhlingam went on: "Not limiting yourself to teaching the students only what is needed for them to score well in the examination and giving your lesson with so much dedication shows your abiding interest in Tamil literature and the depth of your knowledge."

Kannappan said, "Thank you, sir! It was nice of you to have called me to your room and conveyed your appreciation, in person" and got up from his seat.

"Please, sit down. Are you aware that Kamban festival is being celebrated in our town next month/" asked Vaidhilingam

"Yes, sir. I saw the announcement."

"I requested the organizers to list you as one of the speakers. They have agreed" said Vaidhilingam, proudly.

"Sir!" exclaimed Kannappan, taken aback.

"Your mastery over Kamba Ramayanam, known only to your students, will now be known to the entire town. After sometime, as you become popular, it will be known to our state, to our country and in due course, to the entire world."

"I am sorry, sir. But, I can't do this."

"You don't want to be popular!"

"No, sir. I can't speak before an assembly. I am shy of speaking even before a small group of four or five people."

"Don't worry. Once, you start speaking, you will be able to overcome your shyness and become a confident speaker. Speaking before an assembly of strangers is no different from speaking in front of the students" said Vaidhilingam.

"I beg to differ with you, sit. The two situations are entirely different. The students are under my control. If I raise my voice a little, they will be scared. Speaking to the students is different from speaking in an assembly of elders. If you ask me to speak in front of all the students of our school, I can't do even that."

Vaidhilingam was surprised and disappointed by the diffidence and desperation in Kannappan's plea.

"Observing you speak in the class so confidently, displaying the right emotions and presenting the story like enacting a drama, I got your name included in the list of speakers during the function" said Vaidhilingam, in a tone of disappointment.

"I am sorry to have disappointed you, sir. Please pardon me" said Kannappan and got up from his seat. 

"I am not the only person disappointed. The poet Kamban will also feel disappointed. If only you could speak in an assembly the way you spoke in your class, expounding Kamban's classic, it would have added to the glory of Kamban!" said Vaidhilingam, with a sigh. 

*Kamba Ramayam is one of the most acclaimed literary works in Tamil. It is the story of the Hindu epic Ramayana, retold in Tamil by Kamban. 

Thirukkural
Section 2

Materialism

Chapter 72
Divining the Mind

Verse 730 (in Tamil):
uLar eninum illArOdu oppar kaLan anjik
kaRRa selach chollAdhAr.

Meaning:

Those who, because of stage-fright, can’t articulate

their learning before an assembly, though alive, are like the dead.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'kamban EmAndhAn' by the same author.) 

Verse 731 (Soon)
Verse 729

194. Parvatham's Regret

As he was stepping into his house, Vinayakam asked, "Where is mom?"

"She has gone out" said his wife Sumathy.

"The marriage of her granddaughter has been fixed. Cant't she stay at home, even during this time?"

"Is she going to do the marriage arrangements? She has to spend her time somehow. She will go out, talk to some people and come back" said Sumathy, defending her mother-in-law.

"I don't like my mother visiting her friends and chatting with them at this age."

"Aged people need to find ways to spend time. Why should her going out and chatting with others disturb you?"

"I think you will be the only daughter-in-law on the earth, who defends her mother-in-law!" remarked Vinayakam, smiling.

At that time, Parvatham, Vinayakam's mother entered the house."

"Where did you go?" asked Vinayakam, sounding casuall. 

"I was sitting on the pial of our house. I noticed Rukmini sitting outsider her house. I went there to have a chat with her" said Parvatham.

Vinayakam didn't say anything.

Vinayakam came home, looking exhausted.

"Are you coming from the bridegroom's house? Did they say anything about the marriage arrangements?" asked Parvatham.

"Did you talk to anyone about Sumathy's mother?" Vinayakam asked Parvatham, without answering her question, 

"Why should I talk to anyone about Sunathy's mother? She is a nice lady. If at all I had any complaints against her, I would tell you, not others."

"Mom! You visit your friends' homes and chat with them for long. I don't know what are the things you talk about."

"What are you implying? I visit old women like me and talk for a chat. We talk about things happened in our lives in the past and about things happening in the village nowadays. What do you find objectionable about this?"

"You say you talk about things that happened in the past! Sumathy's mother doesn't belong to our caste. Sumathy's father loved her and married her. This was something that happened in the past, wasn't it?"

"What about it? When the proposal for your marriage with Sumathy was being considered, I din't make an issue of Sumathy's father marrying outside his caste. Though I am a person who had been conforming to traditional practices, I didn't consider Sumathy's mother hailing from another caste, an issue. I consented to your marriage with Sumathy, without even mentioning this issue."

"Yes, mom! I have been proud of your liberal outlook and broadmindedness. All along, no one in our village had known that Sumathy's mother belonged to another caste. Now, many in our village know about it. Did you mention this fact to anyone?" asked Vinayakam. 

 

Parvatham started saying, "Why should I..." But she stopped in the middle and bit her tongue, remembering something.

"Tell me, mom? Whom did you talk to about this?"

"Two days back, while talking to Kunjamma, I mentioned it. It was a slip of a tongue that happened, when we were conversing about the proliferation of inter-caste marriages these days. But, what harm could result from it?" asked Parvatham, shifting to a defensive tone, from an apologetic tone.

"Don't you know that Kunjamma has a loose tongue? She has carried the information shared by you to quite a few people in our village. The news has even spread to the nearby villages and reached the bridegroom's family."

"Oh, my God! Was that why they had sent for you? Hope you were able to mollify them?" asked Parvatham, feeling remorseful.

"I wasn't. They have rigid views on following the caste system. So, they told me that they had dropped the marriage proposal" said Vinayakam, with disgust. 

Both Parvatham and Sumathy looked at Vinayakam, with shocked disbelief.

However, Sumathy quickly recovered from the shock and said, "Consider it a blessing in disguise. If the bridegroom's family had come to know of this after the marriage, they would have made a big issue of it. Our daughter's marriage life would also have been affected. Let us accept the situation calmly. Our daughter will get a better match than this, soon."

But, Parvatham remained unconsolable. "Like the proverbial frog bringing harm to itself by its unrestrained trill, I had been the cause of my granddaughter's marriage getting stopped, because of my loose tongue" she kept lamenting. 

Thirukkural

Section 1
The Path of Virtue

Chapter 20
Avoiding Vain Speech

Verse 194 (In Tamil)

nayan sArA nanmaiyin nIkkum payan sArAp
paNbil sol pallAr agaththu.

Meaning:

Vain words spoken before an assembly will make destroy all gains and goodness.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'Ur aRindha ragasiyam' by the same author)

Verse 195 (Soon)
Verse 193

193. Hello, Doctor!

The number of patients waiting in the clinic was more than the usual number. With the doctor running the clinic having a reputation as a physician with a healing touch and his fee being modest, his clinic always had a high footfall.   

There were mothers with their babies, elderly people and patients debilitated by their illness, sitting in the hall, waiting for their turn.

Sundaram entered the doctor's room, when his turn came. Having consulted the doctor several times in the past for his health problems, as well as those of his family members, he ha some acquaintance with the doctor. However, the doctor did not encourage personal relationships with his patients.

The doctor diagnosed that Sundaram was having a mild fever and prescribed medicines for it. The consultation got over in a couple of minutes. 

But, Sundaram did not come out of the doctor's room immediately. He started chatting with the doctor on a few general topics. He asked the doctor whether he was affected by the frequent power outages in that area. The doctor answered him that since his clinic was equipped with an inverter, he was able to manage.

"You are running a clinic, doctor. So, you are able to generate enough revenue to afford an inverter. What will ordinary people like me do?" asked Sundaram.

"It is a problem, of course" said the doctor, looking at his watch. Though he would have liked to respond, "You have been earning a good salary. You should be able to afford an inverter too!" he didn't want to prolong the conversation.

Sundaram then began to talk about other topics.

The doctor was patient for five more minutes. He then told Sundaram politely, "A number o patients are waiting outside. We can have a conversation some other time."

"Yes, of course" said Sundaram, getting up from his seat. But without moving away, he said, "Doctor! Yesterday, I heard the Amman temple announce in a loudspeaker the names of people who had donated for the upcoming temple festival. I heard your name too. You seem to have donated one thousand rupees!"

"Yes" said the doctor, looking at his watch again. But, Sundaram continued to talk about the arrangements being made for the temple festival, even as he was walking towards the door. After opening the door partially, Sundaram stood there and continued to speak to the doctor for a couple of minutes more.

The patient, who was the next to see the doctor, stood near the door. But, Sundaram was talking to the doctor, blocking the entrance.

At last, he stepped out.

A young man sitting in the waiting room called Sundaram "Sir, one minute, please!"

When Sundaram went near him, he said, "Sir! A number of people suffering from health problems have been sitting here, waiting to see the doctor. Some who are seriously ill, have been suffering the strain and discomfort of sitting and waiting for a long time. There are mothers with small babies. People who went in to see the doctor before you, came out in a couple of minutes. But you were sitting in the doctor's room for about fifteen minutes. Even as you were coming out of the doctor's room, you were blocking the way for the next patient and talking to the doctor for some more time, standing at the door step. You don't even appear to be quite ill. You have made all of us suffer, by chatting with the doctor for several minutes. Is this fair?"

Sundaram stared at him angrily and left. As he was passing by the patients waiting there, he met the angry gazes of people who had been waiting patiently, bearing the discomfort and suffering of sitting for a long time. Some children conveyed their protest to him through their loud  cries.

Thirukkural

Section 1
The Path of Virtue

Chapter 20
Avoiding Vain Speech

Verse 193 (In Tamil)

nayan ila enbadhu sollum payan ila
pAriththu uraikkum urai.

Meaning:

One’s gracelessness is exposed by one's elaborate hollow speeches.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'hello doctor!' by the same author)

Verse 194
Verse 192

729. The Book Release Function

The book release function was arranged in a grand manner. The the book written by Professor Sundaram was to be released by Navalar Padmarajan. Navalar, meaning a great orator, was the title given to Padmarajan, in recognition of his oratory skills.. 

Newsreporter Ganesan, who was attending the function, told his friend Mano, who was sitting next to him, "Professor Sundaram is a great scholar. He is a renowned researcher too. But, they have invited an ignoramus to release the book written by this scholar!" 

"Padmarajan isa reputed speaker and you call him an  ignoramus!" replied Mano, laughing. 

"One cannot become a scholar by getting a name as a platform speaker. Padmarajan has become a popular speaker just by making speeches without any substance, but somehow succeeding in making the audience laugh. His speeches might be relished by a mediocre audience. But, he is not qualified even to sit near Professor Sundaram. One should blame the publisher for getting Professor Sundaram's book released by a populist platform speaker like Padmarajan!" fumed Ganesan.

The function started.

Padmarajan released the book and then spoke praising the book and its author. The audience relished his speech and conveyed its appreciation through laughter and ovation. 

After Padmarajan had completed his speech, Ganeshan said, "It is obvious that this man has not read Sundaram's book. But, he has cleverly managed to hoodwink the audience by saying something general about the subject of the book. He has succeeded in putting on an impressive show!" 

"Did you not observe how well his speech was received by the audience?" asked Mano.

"That's what I just said" quipped Ganesan.

The chairman of the meeting announced, "Now Mr. Sundaram, the author of the book, will say a few words about his book."

Sundaram stood before the mike. After remaining silent for a few seconds, without knowing how to begin, he said, "First of all, my thanks to all." 

He kept shifting his feet, as if he could not stand firmly. He paused for a few seconds and continued, "What made me write this book was..." 

By that time, many in the audience had lost interest in listening to him and started chatting among themselves. The words uttered by Sundaram, did not reach many people in the audience, his constant shifting of his body might have amused them, though.

"I am not able to make out what he says" Ganesh told Mano, in disgust. 

Sundaram concluded his speech after a few minutes and sat down.

"If we ask this audience, which has listened to the speches of Padmarajan and Sundaram, 'between the two, who is a scholar?' most of them would mention the name of Padmarajan. But we cannot blame them for saying so!" said Ganesan, feeling sad. 

Thirukkural
Section 2

Materialism

Chapter 73
Knowing Your Audience

Verse 729 (in Tamil):
kallAdhavarin kadai enba kaRRu aRindhum
nallAr avai anjuvAr.

Meaning:

A learned person, who fears (to speak in) the assembly of good people, will be considered inferior to a person with no learning.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'puththaga veLiyIttu vizhA' by the same author.) 

Verse 730
Verse 728

192. A Cabin for Gajapathy

No one in that firm knew what work Gajapathy had been doing. In fact he had no work to do!

Gajapathy was a friend of Sundaramurthy, the founder of the firm. He had been working in that firm, since the time the firm was launched. 

The firm was engaged in supplying various products to government departments. When the firm was started, it was selling stationery items like paper, files etc. Within a short period, a number of other goods including furniture and fittings were added to the list. 

During the early days of the firm, Gajapathy worked hard, along with Sundaramurthy, to improve the business of the firm. But, with the firm having grown big and the number of employees also gone up, Sundaramurthy's workload gradually came down and he began to relax.

In the firm, no one was given any designation. In the beginning Gajapathy was acting like the manager, but in the course of time his involvement in the firm's management came down.

The employees also gradually gave up the practice of reporting to Gajapathy and seeking his guidance. They began to report to the proprietor directly. 

The firm's office was functioning in two floors, the ground floor and the first floor. Sundaramurthy's cabin was at one end of the first floor. 

There was no separate cabin for any employee, including Gajapathy. Gajapathy's seat was near the staircase. 

Gajapathy would stop every employee, who was going up or coming down the stairs and chat with them. No one was able to avoid him. The employees could not help spending a few minutes talking to him. 

The chat could be on various topics like the employee's family matters, accidents and crimes in the town, movies, politics or occasionally, matters relating to the firm too!

Some employees enjoyed the chat, since it provided them with a short diversion from the monotony of work. But, Some others, particularly the lady employees, did not relish this. 

Gajapathy had a stentorian voice. So his voice would invariably reach most of the employees sitting on that floor. Everyone would be forced to turn their attention and listen to this chat. 

Since Gajapathy was a senior executive close to the proprietor, no one complained about the distraction caused by his chat.

One day Sundaramurthy shifted his cabin from the first floor to the ground floor.

When Gajapathy asked him, "Why did you change your room?" Sundaramurthy said, "Just for a change." 

A few days after shifting his cabin to the ground floor, Sundaramurthy called Gajapathy to his cabin. 

"Do you know why I moved to the ground floor?" asked Sundaramurthy.

"When I asked you, you said it was just for a change!" replied Gajapathy.

"Gajapathy! You have been with me from the time I started my firm.Your contribution to the growth of the firm is immense. I wanted to recognize your contribution and give you the importance you deserve. As you know, it is my policy to not give any designation to any employee in our firm. Otherwise, I would have designated you the general manager, even at the time I started the firm. Now, I am going to designate you the general manager. As a general manager, you need to be given a cabin. I vacated my cabin only for giving it to you. That cabin is bigger than this. Hereafter, you will be sitting there. I will send you some important files. You can look into the files leisurely and give your views. You won't have any work pressure."

Gajapathy was both happy and confused. 

"I have designated Gajapathy the general manager of the firm. I have vacated my cabin and given it to Gajapathy" Sundaramurthy told his wife, when he was at home.

"Why did you make this change suddenly?"

"Gajapathy has done a lot for the firm. When the firm became well established, I should have given some responsibility to him. I thought he could relax and enjoy his time in the firm till the time he retired. But, he had been stopping people passing through his seat and wasting their time by chatting with them and spoiling the work atmosphere of the office, in the process. The employees couldn't avoid him. I didn't know how to restrain him, since I didn't want him to feel hurt by my confronting him. So, I adopted this approach."

"How has Gajapathy taken the change?"

"He appears to be happy about getting a separate cabin. But, his cabin is located in a corner on the first floor. No one would have any need to go that side. So, he is isolated now. If he wants to chat with someone, he has to come out of his cabin and look for people. He can't do this quite often. Since the cabin has a glass door, he has been signaling people to come to his cabin by waving his hand. But people avoid looking at the glass door and even if they do, they signal back saying that they would come later, since they have some important work."

"I pity him."

"Till recently, it was the office which was in a position to be pitied! I am sure Gajapathy would adjust to the new situation. I have started giving him some assignments too. Who knows! He may start working hard and contributing to the firm again, as he was doing in the early days" said Sundaramurthy, with a smile.

Thirukkural

Section 1
The Path of Virtue

Chapter 20
Avoiding Vain Speech

Verse 192 (In Tamil)

payan ila pallAr mun sollal nayan ila
nattAr kaN seydhalin thIdhu.

Meaning:

To speak useless things in the presence of many is a greater evil than to do unkind things towards friends. 

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'padhavi uyarvu' by the same author)

Verse 193
Verse 191

191. Discourses Gone Sour

"indhath thiNNaip pEchchu manidharidam oru kanna irukkaNum aNNAchchi!" 
("Oh brother, Be wary of people chatting idly, sitting on the pial!")

Listening to these lines from an old Tamil film song telecast in Murasu television channel, Bhuvana asked Vedachalam, "What is a thinnai, grandpa?"

"It is a raised platform at the front of a house. Houses in village used to have it, to facilitate people sit on it and relax" said Vedachalam.

"No one is more qualified to talk about the use of the thinnai than your grandpa. After all, those days, he had been spending a major part of his day sitting on the pial, inviting people walking on the street to sit with him and chatting with them endlessly" said Vedachalam's wife Gowri, with distaste.

Vedachalam immersed himself into old memories.

Vedachalam had agricultural lands in his village, which he had leased out. With the lease rent he was getting from the land being substantial, Vedachalam didn't feel the need to go for any job or do a business to earn money.

He would spend the whole day sitting on the pial of his house. He would call out some people walking on the street, ask them sit with him and chat with them on sundry trivial topics, ranging from the weather to political developments in the country.

He would often talk about the glory of his ancestors like his father having constructed a bamboo bridge across the narrow canal in his village, the temple festivals sponsored by his family and his 'adventures' as a boy.

Often, he would repeat the narration of events already recounted by him several times, as if he was narrating them for the first time. People sitting with him would pretend to be listening to him, picking betel leaves, applying a thin coat of lime paste on the back side of the leaves, clipping the short stems and ingesting them along with liberal doses of sliced arecanut pieces and an optional pinch of tobacco, all from the small metal box kept by Vedachalam near him for his own frequent use and savouring the taste as the mix would be ground in their mouths, with saliva mixing with it and enhancing its taste.

If the stock of any item in the metal box got exhausted, Vedachalam would call a boy walking on the street and command him to buy that item from the nearby betel nut shop and bring it to him.

If Vedachalam was too engrossed in delivering his lecture to observe the depletion of the stocks, one of the people sitting there and listening to him would take the liberty of replenishing the stock.

"Hey! Buy two kavulis* of betel leaves, two packets of arecanut slices and two packets of first grade tobacco from Kanniah's shop. Ask for large packets. Get cash from aiya**," the person would tell the boy summoned by him.

Most of the times, Vedachalam would quietly hand over the cash to the boy. Occasionally, he would cast a look of reprimand at the person who gave the order to the boy. The other person would smile in a silly way. Vedachalam would then part with the cash.

Gowri had repeatedly tried to dissuade Vedachalam from continuing with this practice.

"If you don't have anything to do, lie on the reclining chair and relax. Or, just go for a walk around the village. You can even go to our paddy fields and observe the cultivating activities. Though you have no business to be there with our tenant doing the cultivation, you can idly watch the work going on there. But, for heaven's sake, don't spend your time in idle talk, sitting on the pial and spend money on buying betel leaves and tobacco for your chat partners!"

But, Vedachalam didn't pay heed to her advice.

Once, Selvaraj, a distant relative of Vedachalam, living in the village told Gowri, "Aunty! Uncle is under the illusion that people come and sit with him on the pial to listen to his talk. But, only people addicted to chewing betel nut and tobacco come to him. They sit on the pial for a while, pretending to listen to him, get a free supply of betel leaves and tobacco, chew them, relish them and go away. But, they mock uncle behind his back and laugh at his narratives. I heard one person telling another, 'I have to listen to his vain talk for the sake of a few betel leaves and a pinch of tobacco!' Another person said, 'The man is as hollow as his speech!' Why does uncle have to entertain such people and subject himself to this kind of ridicule?"

"I have told him many times to desist from this practice. But, he won't listen to me. He is not home. Maybe, he has gone to the nearby shop to buy betel leaves and tobacco! When he comes home, I will tell him what you told me." 

Vedacham had not gone out, as assumed by Gowri. He was inside the house, listening to the conversation. 

The next day, when Vedachalam sat on the pial, he didn't have the betel nut box on the pial. The regular visitors came and sat on the pial, as usual. They looked for the metal box and were disappointed that it was not there.

One person asked Vedachalam, "Where is the betel nut box, brother?"

"I intend to stop the practice of chewing betel nuts!" said Vedachalam.

After that, the number of people visiting Vedachalam and sitting with him on the pial of his house for a chat with him began to dwindle. Eventually, the number was reduced to zero.

Vedachalam kept sitting on the pial of his house, watching the people walking on the street, hoping that someone would step on to the pial for a chat. If a person who used to chat with him happened to pass by his house, he would walk fast while crossing his house and avoid Vedachalam's gaze by looking the other side.

Sometimes, Vedachalam would call out someone walking on the street. That person would say, "I have some urgent work to attend to. I will come after sometime" and move away, avoiding him

With hardly anyone to listen to him, Vedachalam's talk shows came to an end.

"What are you reflecting on? Old memories?" asked Gowri.

"Those days, people of my village mocked me. But, you are mocking me now, after so many years" said Vedachalam, feeling hurt.

"Those people were with you only for getting free supplies of betel leaves and tobacco. I have been with you all these years, without expecting anything from you!"

At that time, another song was being played on the television channel.

'pAnaiyilE sORirundhA pUnaigaLum sondhamadA'

('If there is food in the pot, even cats will be your kin')

"Change the channel. Listening to old songs opens up my old wounds" said Vedachalam, in disgust.

*kauli - a unit measuring 100 betel leaves.

**aiya - a respectful term used to refer to or address a person..

Thirukkural

Section 1
The Path of Virtue

Chapter 20
Avoiding Vain Speech

Verse 191 (In Tamil)

pallAr muniyap payanila solluvAn
ellArum eLLappadum.

Meaning:

One, who, to the disgust of many, makes vain discourses, will be despised by all.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'thiNNai' by the same author)

Verse 192
Verse 190

190. The Gentleman From Kolkatta

When Kumar married Malathi, he was aware that her extended family was quite large. 

Malathi had two brothers and two sisters. And, she had many relatives from the sides of both of her parents. 

In contrast, Kumar didn't have many relatives. His parents had very few relatives. After the demise of his parents, his contacts with those relatives have dwindled. 

He would meet some of his relatives occasionally during the functions in the families of one of them and just exchange pleasantries with them. Otherwise, he was not keeping touch with them, by visiting them or by talking to them over phone, even occasionally.

On the other hand, the contacts and interactions between Malathi's relatives were frequent and intimate. 

Having a large number of relatives gave opportunities to Malathi to meet them quite often in the functions of the families of one relative or other. She and her relatives were also in the habit of visiting one another and keeping in touch through exchange of letters by post (during the earlier years, before they got telephone connections at their homes) and later, through telephone conversations.

During the initial years of his marriage, Kumar felt happy about Malathi being in such intimate contact with a number of her relatives, in contrast to his inability to reach out to his relatives. 

But, after a few months, he was concerned by a trend he observed in the interactions between Malathi and her relatives

Though they had been moving closely, Malathi's relatives had the habit of finding fault with one anotherr. Malathi was no exception to this. 

There were many informal groups and sub-groups among Malathi and her relatives. Members of one group would find fault with some of those not in their group. There would be gossip and slander. 

They also did this to members in their own group, while individually interacting with a person in their group or with someone in another group.

The disparaging remarks made by one person against another would, on occasions, be leaked by a member of the group, sometimes inadvertently, but often deliberately. This would result in mutual recriminations and bickering and ultimately to bitterness and at times, even lead to the relationship getting sour, at least temporarily.

During the times people had an opportunity to meet and talk to each other, the issues would be raked up. It would lead to arguments and verbal fights. When one person accused another of having done or said something against him or her, the other person would hit back saying, 'Did you not make a bad remark about me to that person, at such and such a time?' 

Kumar often heard Malathi complaining about her brothers and their wives, during her telephonic conversations with her sisters.

When he asked Malathi why she was doing so, she replied, "We sisters will share our grievances and disappointments among ourselves. Why should this disturb you?"

"Will you talk to them about me also?" asked Kumar, in a lighter vein. 

"I could. If I did so, obviously, I can't admit it to you!" said Malathi.

Kumar was not sure whether she said it in a lighter vein, or whether she really meant it!

"If you and your relatives keep finding fault with others among you and sharing it with some others, won't the relationship bonds get weakened? I find that almost everyone among your relatives has a grouse against every other person. Is there any one in your family against whom no one has a grievance?"

"Yes. there is one. Our Kolkatta uncle" said Malathi.

"But he is not closely related to you. He is your father's cousin. And, since he is residing at a place far off from Chennai, where most of your relatives are residing, you may not have had many opportunities to interact with him. Maybe, that is why none of you has any grievance against him!" quipped Kumar.

"It is not so. Though he is only distantly related to us, he is very intimate with us. He would attend all the functions in our families, by traveling down to Chennai all the way from Kolkatta. In fact, he will be coming to Chennai next month, to attend Priya's wedding" said Malathi.

Kumar began to think how Priya was related to Malathi, but didn't ask Malathi about it, lest she should find fault with him for having not remembered who Priya was!

Kumar had an opportunity to converse with Nagarajan, referred to as Kolkatta uncle by Malathi, during Priya's wedding.

When Kumar was alone with Nagarajan for a few minutes, he told him, "Sir! I have married a girl from your family. I am not sure how much liberty I could take to talk to you about your relatives. But, I find that there has been a tendency among many members of your family to nitpick and quarrel about various matters, many of which are petty and insignificant. As a result, there has been bitterness, resentment, anger and hostility in the minds of many of them. Malathi told me that you were one person, against whom no one had any growse. I admire you for this!" 

Nagarajan smiled and said, "I learnt a secret many years back in my career. It has been helping me in maintaining my family relationships too!"

"What is the secret, sir?" asked Kumar.

"We had a manager in our office. He used to keep a small wooden plaque on his table, inscribed with the message, 'The Boss is always right.' He didn't like any of us working in the office contradicting him or expressing a divergent view. If someone tried to argue with him, he would show him the plaque. Then, the other person would keep quiet. One day, the plaque was missing from his table. I asked him why he had removed that plaque. He told me, 'The general manager from the head office is visiting our branch today. If this plaque is on my table, I won't be able to express my opinion, when I may disagree his views. So, I don't want this plaque to be on my table, when my boss is here!' At that time, a truth struck me. Almost all of us think that we are right. If the other person contradicts us, we dislike it, resent it and get angry too. We dislike another person who expresses a view different from ours. We follow one yardstick for us and another for others. Our manager didn't want his subordinates to express an opinion different from his. But, he didn't want to accept what his boss would say, without any question."

"Interesting" said Kumar.

"I applied what I had realized to my relationships. If someone commits a mistake, we point it out. But, we never think whether we had also committed such a mistake in the past. Such situations would occur quite frequently in domestic matters. When I am attending a wedding, I may feel that the host has not paid much attention to me. The moment I had such a thought, I would think of weddings in my family, in which I had been the host. I would ask myself whether I had paid enough attention to all the guests, greeted them and treated them well. Most of the times, I won't even remember how I had acted in those situations. I would realize that I was so engrossed in looking after the wedding arrangements that I did many things mechanically. I might not have paid enough attention to some of the guests. So, I should give allowance to other people also for their inability to pay as much attention to me as I expected them to. By applying this approach to several areas of our life, I realized that most of the times, I also had the fault I found with another person. This realization was astonishing to me. So, I stopped finding fault with others. I made it a practice to refrain and pointing out anyone's fault to that person. This could be the reason why my relatives have no growse against me!"

"Wonderful, sir! But, have you realized that because of your approach, you have lost one important faculty?" asked Kumat.

"Which faculty?" asked Nagarajan, somewhat taken aback.

"The ability to find fault with others" said Kumar, laughing aloud.

Nagarajan joined in his laughter.

Thirukkural
Section 1
The Path of Virtue

Chapter 19
Refraining From Backbiting

Verse 190 (In Tamil)

EdhilAr kuRRam pOl tham kuRRam kANgil pin
thIdhu uNdO mannum uyirkku.

Meaning:

If one looks at his faults in the same way he does at others’ faults, will any harm befell the lingering human lives?

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'KalkaththA ChiththappA' by the same author)

Verse 191 (Soon)
Verse 189