630. A Miserable Life

"I consider only Madhavan as my competitor. I am not concerned about others" said Vivek.

"Twenty of us have joined this company as management trainees in this batch. Why do you consider only Madhavan as your competitor?" asked Murthy, another trainee.

"A competitor is a rival. 'Rival' also means 'enemy.' Vivek seems to view Madhavan both as a rival and as an enemy" commented Madhu, another trainee.

"Why do you have such an antagonism towards Madhavan?" Mohan, another trainee asked Vivek.

Vivek, who was quietly listening to the observations of his co-trainees, did not respond. 

Born in a wealthy family, Vivek had the advantage of studying in educational institutions of repute and having access to facilities like tuition, coaching etc, which helped him complete his education with high scores.

Vivek was one of the twenty people selected as management trainees by the company through a vigorous selection process, from hundreds of people who had applied for the position, .

Vivek made no secret of his conviction that he was the best among the twenty candidates selected as management trainees. Several among the twenty people in the batch, swayed by Vivek's wealthy status and the impressive personality built up by him, with the help of the high level education and training he had and his self-confidence resulting from his feeling of superiority, acted as if they had accepted him the best in the group of twenty.  

For some reason, Vivek developed an antagonism towards Madhavan, one of his fellow trainees, from the time he had first met Madhavan. 

Madhavan hailed from a poor, socially backward family. He had his education in government schools. He excelled in his learning through sheer hard work. 

After completing his college education in a government college, Madhavan applied for the job of a management trainee in the company and got selected.

Since the training program was residential, the trainees had the opportunity to get acquainted with one another, when they were in the hostel every day, after the training sessions were over

After coming to know about Madhavan's background, Vivek looked down upon him. He even developed an antagonism towards Madhavan, after observing during the training that despite his disadvantageous background, Madhavan excelled in knowledge and skills. 

One day, after the dinner, the trainees sat together in the common room of the hostel for a chat. One by one, each of them shared their experiences about their childhood days and the interesting experiences they had had in their school and the college.

Madhavan was listening to the narrations with a smile .

When Madhavan's turn came, Vivek announced mockingly, "Now, Mr. Madhavan will share his experiences starting from his childhood."

Madhavan began to narrate his life's events,.

Madhavan talked about his life in a hut situated near a drainage canal which constantly released a stinking odour, in unhygienic surroundings, where he ha lived with his parents and four siblings. 

He spoke about the hunger and malnutrition suffered by his family and how he and his siblings were sent to school only because meal was served to the students free of cost in the school, about the chronic illness of his mother resulting in her getting hospitaized every now and then and about the insults and humiliations suffered by him in addition to the deprivations suffered by him.

He spoke about his misfortunes and sufferings with a smiling face, as if he was telling a story.

"How do you manage to be so cheerful while narrating your harrowing experiences?" asked Madhu, expressing his astonishment.

"I don't know. I was always been thinking that I was living a happy life in the company of my parents and siblings. During the times we were starving, with no food to eat, we suffered the pangs of hunger. But, when we had something to eat, we would rejoice. We would even celebrate that experience. My parents didn't feel depressed about being poor. They were always cheerful and were often talking about the good things we had in life. Maybe because I had been witnessing my parents being cheerful and happy even during trying times, I also learnt to be happy, by not focusing my mind on my problems" said Madhavan

Vivek got up from his seat, went near Madhavan and embraced him. "You are great" he said, with genuine admiration. 

Thirukkural
Section 2

Materialism

Chapter 63
Unfazed in the Face of Trouble

Verse 630 (in Tamil):
innAmai inbam enak koLin Agum than
onnAr vizhaiyum siRappu.

Meaning:

If one accepts adversities as pleasures,

his adversaries too will acclaim him.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'anubhavam inimai' by the same author.) 

Verse 631 (Soon)
Verse 629

629. A Lesson From Tulsi Leaves

"How true are Avvaiyar's* lines 'Poverty is cruel. Poverty during the younger age is still more cruel!'" I exclaimed.

"Is it so?" asked my friend Alagesan.

"What do you know about poverty? You are a person who can afford to use rose water for taking bath and milk to gargle your mouth!" I retorted. 

"But I take bath in cold water. If I have to gargle, I will use salt water. I eat rice and gravy like you do. My lunch box contains idli covered with a paste of chilli powder and oil, just as your lunch box does!" said Alagesan, laughing.

"You can talk lightly about life. Only if you had suffered from the pangs of poverty like I had, you would have realized the agony poverty would cause. As a boy, I have watched my father and mother fight over a few pennies. Can you believe it?"

"My parents also used to fight over several things."

"What did they fight about - whether to drive to the beach or to go to a movie in the car?" I asked sarcastically. 

Alagesan was not provoked by my outbursts. He laughed, as if he enjoyed my humour.

Though I often prided myself about having scored over Alagesan in the sparing contest, deep in my heart, I realized that I had been rhetorical, rather than reasonable.

Alagesan and I were classmates in our school. Alagesan hailed from a family for whom money would never be an issue. In contrast, our family had been struggling to meet both ends meet. 

For some reason, a strong bond of friendship had developed between Alagesan and me.

Even though I have always considered Alagesan my friend, I would, now and then vent out my grudge against him that sprouted out of my jealousy, resulting from my comparing the economic status of both of us. 

I should have discerned even at that time that though Alagesan, having been born in a wealthy family, was in a position to enjoy the good things of life, he was more interested in enjoying the company of friends like me than in enjoying the comforts he could get by spending money. But, the jealousy that was underlying in the deep layers of my mind had blinded me to his sense of detachment.

His magnanimity in not getting hurt by my snide remarks, combined with his geniality and the affection he had for me, had gradually pushed out my feelings of jealousy and made me reciprocate his geniality and friendliness.

They say that time is a great leveler. It acted as one in our lives.

After competing my studies, I landed a plum job, earned well and attained a fairly high financial status, in a few years.

The reverse happened to Alagesan. Even before Alagesan could complete his studies, his father suffered a heavy loss in his business. Within a short period, the wealthy family was reduced to a lower middle class family.

Alagesan could not get a good job. He was sticking on to a mediocre job he was able to get and was just surviving.

The friendship between Alagesan and me remained as strong as it was during our school days.

I felt a sense of pride and satisfaction in continuing to be a close friend of Alagesan, even after the steep fall in his economic status, by contrasting my jealousy towards him, when he was wealthy.

"Don't you feel frustrated by comparing your present position to the wealthy state you were in during your younger days?" I asked him. 

"I have no such feelings" said Alagesan. "I have always had the attitude of accepting what comes to me. You know that I go to the temple every day. In the temple, they will offer Tulsi leaves as prasadam**. Some days, the Tulsi leaves will be fresh and green. When I munch the leaves, I will experience a stimulating taste. But, some other days, the Tulsi leaves would be dry. They would taste bitter. But, I would always accept the Tulsi leaves as God's offering, munch the leaves and eat them, not minding the bitter taste. I have been adopting a similar attitude to the experiences that happen to me in my life. My mother had taught me this lesson in my childhood. I think that that lesson is deeply ingrained in my mind. That may be the reason why I have been able to accept misfortunes with equanimity."

Reflecting that I had been jealous of a person with such a noble attitude, I felt ashamed.

* Avvaiyar - A female Tamil poet

** prasadam - a food item offered to the idol in Hindu temples, then distributed to the devotees as a divine offering.

Thirukkural
Section 2

Materialism

Chapter 63
Unfazed in the Face of Trouble

Verse 629 (in Tamil):
inbaththuL inbam vizhaiyAdhAn thunbaththuL
thunbam uRudhal ilan.

Meaning:

He who does not yearn for pleasure in joyous times, will not

be distressed in times of sorrow.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'thuLasi pirasAdham' by the same author.) 

Verse 630
Verse 628

628. When the House Was Taken away

When Paranthaman was studying in the college, his friends used to call him a monk.

"You don't smoke or drink. That is fine. But won't you even come for a movie?" his friend Annamalai asked him.

"Only last week we saw a movie" replied Paranthaman.

"We have been thinking that it has been a week since we watched a movie. But you say only a week has passed since we went to a movie! Will you get married or will you remain a celebate?" taunted another friend.

Paranthaman did get married.

In the early days of marriage, Paranthaman's wife Sarasu was a little concerned that her husband was acting like a monk. 

But, as time passed, Sarasu realized that her husband was not a monk but a person who observed restraint in enjoying life's pleasures and that he was a man who didn't harbour desires for luxuries.

However, Paranthaman fulfilled her wants and desires. Sarasu was happy.

"This house is your ancestral property. But, they are taking it away from you. Are you not agitated about this atrocious decision?" Sarasu asked Paranthaman.

"My father got this property as an ancestral property. But my father's uncle had filed a suit in the court claiming that the title to the property should have legally been passed on to him, since my father's father was adopted by another person. After many years of litigation, the judgement has come in favour of my father's uncle. There is nothing we can do about it" said Paranthaman. 

"Where can we go now? Can we afford to take a house of this size for rent? How are we going to find the money for our children's education, after spending a substantial portion of your salary towards the house rent?" asked Sarasu, feeling depressed.

"We enjoyed the ownership of this house all these years. Now that it has gone out of our hands, we need to leave this house. Paying rent and meeting other expenses from my salary is going to be a challenge. But we have to accept the reality and live our life, doing what we can" said Paranthaman, in an unperturbed tone.

'You will be able to accept this setback calmly, but I won't' thought Sarasu. 

Thirukkural
Section 2

Materialism

Chapter 63
Unfazed in the Face of Trouble

Verse 628 (in Tamil):
inbam vizhaiyAn idumbai iyalbenbAn
thunbam uRudhal ilan.

Meaning:

He who doesn't yearn for pleasures and accepts adversities as normal happenings will never be distressed.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'kai vittup pOna vIdu' by the same author.) 

Verse 629
Verse 627

627. What my Father Learnt From My Mother

My mother has not been well. She has been bed-written for the past two years, lying in the hospital bed for some days intermittently and in a bed at our home, during the other days.

My has been sitting near my mother most of the time. Both would be conversing for a long time. I wondered what they talked about for such lengths of time.

When I am at home with my wife Charu, we won't have matters to talk about for more than a few minutes. Even during those few minutes, we would be talking about problems like some home appliance needing repairs, the air-conditioner not giving enough cooling, issues relating to our children's school education etc.

We would feel gratified that we didn't have problems needing discussion for more than a few minutes.

"How is your health?" I asked my mother.

My mother nodded her head, trying to give me a positive signal, but her nod only signaled her physical weakness.

"As always" said my father. "Sometimes, she is calm. Some other times, she is suffering from pain."

I signaled to my father to follow me. We both came out of the room and seated ourselves in the living room.

"Dad! At a time mom is suffering from pain, you have been sitting near her and talking to her. Will it not give her more strain?" I asked my father.

"My sitting near her and talking to her makes her happy. In fact, it gives her some relief!" replied my father.

"It is amazing to me how mom has been conversing with you cheerfully, while she is under so much pain!"

"Your mother has always been that way. I am a person who would be perturbed even by a small obstacle or even an inconvenience. It was your mother who would speak to me in an encouraging way and uplift my spirits. If someone in our family fell sick, I would start worrying. But, your mother would tell me, 'the human body is bound to suffer some illness now and then. Don't appliances like TV and Mixer malfunction? Sometimes, they can be fixed with some minor repairing and some other times, they would need an intense repairing. Some times, they could not be repaired at all and have to be discarded' and laugh. 

"Whenever I encountered problems in my job or in the family or faced financial problems, she would counsel me in a similar way. 'When you commute to your office every day in your scooter, are you able to ride non-stop? Are you not stopped at different places by traffic signals? Sometimes, the tyre gets punctured or the vehicle breaks down. Don't you leave the vehicle there, go by bus or autorickshaw, get the scooter repaired and then resume using it? We should accept things that normally happen to us in life.' This is the kind of advice she would give me.

"In the beginning, I was irritated by her words. I would hit back saying, 'it is easy for you to sit at home and advise me. Only the person who faces a problem will understand the pain!'

"But, over the years, I began to realize the truth of her words and changed my attitude gradually. After that, I found that facing and overcoming problems was easier. If your mother is able to maintain her cheerful disposition in spite of the torment she has been suffering because of the health issues, it is due to her attitude that being challenged by problems is a normal thing in our lives."

My mother has spoken to me many times the way she had, to my father. But, I didn't ponder over her words. Only after hearing my father say how my mother's advice had helped him, I began to understand the importance of the life lessons my mother tried to inculcate in me.  

"I have to learn a lot from mom, dad. Hereafter, I will also sit near mother for sometime every day and listen to her words of wisdom" I told my father.

"Start doing it immediately. I think you are not left with much time" said my father.

Thirukkural
Section 2

Materialism

Chapter 63
Unfazed in the Face of Trouble

Verse 627 (in Tamil):
ilakkam udambu idumbaikku enRu kalakkaththaik
kaiyARAk koLLAdhAm mEL.

Meaning:

Knowing that the human body is ever a target for afflictions,

the wise will not be distressed by distress.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'ammAvin udal nilai' by the same author.) 

Verse 628
Verse 626

626. Kanthimathy's Concerns

When Vairavan married  Kanthimathi, he was employed as an office assistant in a small firm on a modest salary.

Soon after the marriage, Kanthimathi realized that while the two of them could live comfortably on Vairavan's salary, they won't be able to make the ends meet, if their family grew, after the birth of a child. 

This caused concern to Kanthimathi. But, Vairavan didn't seem to be concerned with such thoughts.

When Kanthimathi shared her concerns with Vairavan, he said nonchalantly, "We are two now. My income is sufficient to meet the needs of the two of us. Why should we think of the problems that we may face after our family grows and worry about them now?"

By the time children were born to them, Vairavan's salary had gone up. So, the family didn't face any financial problems, as apprehended by Kanthimathi.

Vairavan earned a good name with his proprietor by his sincerity, dedication and hard work. As a result of this, Vairavan's position in the firm and his salary both kept going up.

By the time Vairavan's son and daughter joined college, Vairavan's economic status had gone up considerably, to the extent of the friends of his son and daughter in their colleges calling them 'children of wealthy parents.'

Even as Vairavan's income was going up, the expenses also kept increasing. Vairavan was liberal in spending money in buying high end home appliances for the household, a motorcycle for his son, a scooter for his daughter etc.

"You have been spending your entire earnings on necessities as well as luxuries. Don't we need to save some money for our future needs?" Kanthimathi asked Vairavan. 

But, Vairavan didn't bother to apply his mind to the concerns raised by his wife.

Both their children had completed their studies and landed good jobs. Vairavan performed the marriage of both. He spent money lavishly for the weddings.

"I pleaded with you repeatedly to save some money for our future. But you didn't pay heed to my words" said Kanthimathi, in an accusing tone.

"What has happened now? Are we not doing well?" asked Vairavan.

"Are we doing well? You earned a lot of money. But, you didn't buy a home for us. You spent a lot of money on our son and daughter. Now, they live very far from us. They are not even bothered to find out how we have been doing. They have no concern for our needs. They don't send us any money. Both of them have been thinking only about their families. You are now retired. You don't receive any pension. We live on the interest we receive on the provident fund received by you, on your retirement. We are living in a rented accommodation. The house rent and other expenses keep going up. But the interest income we have been getting on our bank deposit is coming down, due to the bank's lowering interest on deposits continuously. In this scenario, I don't know how long we will be able to manage to survive!" burst out Kanthimathi.

"When we had a good income, we lived a comfortable life. When our income gets dwindled, we have to reduce our standard of our living befitting the level affordable by us. That is what we have been doing. Why should we bother about the problems we may face in the future?" said Vairavan, calmly.

Thirukkural
Section 2

Materialism

Chapter 63
Unfazed in the Face of Trouble

Verse 626 (in Tamil):
aRREm enRu allal padubavO peRREm enRu
Ombudhal thERRAdhavar.

Meaning:

Those who, in times of wealth, don’t stingily cling to their wealth, will not be distressed by poverty.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'kAnthimathiyin kavalai' by the same author.) 

Verse 627
Verse 625

625. 'Sick' Sitaraman

Gurumurthy's blood pressure having gone up, he was admitted to a private hospital on the advice of his physician.

The doctors in the hospital told him that he should remain in the hospital for a few days and get treated for bringing his blood pressure to the normal level.

Since Gurumurthy was not able to get a separate room, he was accommodated in a room with two beds.

Gurumurthy introduced himself to Sitaraman, the patient lying in the other bed and began to converse with him.

"What is your problem?" asked Gurumurthy.

"The problem I now have is accumulation of mucus in my chest" said Sitaraman.

"Why do you say now? Did you have some other problem earlier?"

Sitaraman smiled wryly.

"I keep facing some health issue almost on a continuous basis. So, I had been getting admitted to the hospital for treatment, every now and then."

Even before Sitaraman could complete the sentence, he began to cough. The cough lasted for several seconds.

"I am sorry. I have provoked your coughing, by engaging you in a conversation" said Gurumurthy, feeling guilty.

"No, no. It is not your fault. I can't be muting myself always, for the sake of preventing the cough from surfacing. If I were to do so, I won't have a life at all" said Sitaraman.

"Do you have this problem since long?"

"I have this problem from the time I was born. My parents were not well-to-do people. They got me treated at the government hospital in our place. I would get better after taking the medicine, but the problem would relapse. My parents were not tired of taking me to the hospital repeatedly. I was afflicted by various problems like cough, severe cold, fever etc, one taking over from other, like the runner of a relay race, passing the baton to another. Despite repeated treatments, the problems kept coming up again and again. The same story continues till now."

"Life would have been very difficult for you."

"Yes. Initially, my parents were not sure whether it was wise to send me to school. However, they did get me admitted to a school. In the school, I was seated a little away from other students, lest other students should contract the ailment from me. I had to miss school several days in a year, due to my ill health. But I worked hard and studied well.

"When I moved to the high school, the head master of the school took special interest in me and encouraged me in many ways. When I didn't have the minimum attendance required to qualify me for taking the SSLC examination, he gave me attendance for additional days and made me take the examination.

"Since I had secured high scores in the SSLC examination, I got a scholarship for my college studies. In the college, some students nicknamed me 'Sick Sitaraman.' Perhaps, they had the satisfaction of creating a rhyming phrase, apparently showing their proficiency in English! When I was studying in the college, my father passed away. Despite the financial problems faced by my family after my father's demise, I somehow managed to complete my college education and acquire a B.Com degree.

"Then began my employment phase. Since I had to take leave quite often due to my health problems, I could not continue in a job for a long time. I would lose one job and take up another. After losing my job three times, I joined a small firm as the Accountant. The proprietor of the firm empathized with me and supported me. He gave me paid leave for the days I couldn't attend office, due to my illness.

"Those days, only the wealthy people could afford to have a telephone in their homes. You may not believe this. My proprietor got me a phone connection at my house and facilitated my working from my home by talking to my subordinates over phone and directing them to do the tasks required to be done. I think I am the first person in the world to have worked for an office by sitting at home, long before the concept of 'work from home' came into vogue!"

Sitaraman laughed.

Gurumurthy looked at him with the apprehension that his laughter could provoke the cough again.  

"How many people are there in your family?" asked Gurumurthy, reluctantly.

"I understand your question. You want to ask me whether I got married. I had decided that I won't get married, given my health condition. My mother was also reluctant to seek an alliance for me, after telling the parents of the prospective brides about my health condition. But, a girl belonging to a family known to us came forward to marry me. When she told me 'A person like you needs a companion,' I was in tears."

Sitaraman's voice was choked with emotion. 

"What a noble heart she has! Is it not something you should feel happy about" said Gurumurthy, in an attempt to cheer Sitaraman and bring him out of his emotion, out of concern that becoming emotional would make him cough again.

"Yes, of course. But, alas! She is no more. She left me, after giving birth to a son. I used to think that she left after giving me a son, realizing that I needed someone to take care of me. My mother had left me even before my wife died. You can't imagine how much I struggled to bring up my son, with me being alone and sick!"

"What is your son doing?"

"He is well placed in a big company. He earns handsomely. From my childhood, I had been getting treatment only in government hospitals. But, after my son took up a job, I enjoy the luxury of getting treated in private hospitals" said Sitaraman and laughed.

"I am amazed to listen to your story. I am a person who gets upset even by small inconveniences. But you maintain a cheerful disposition, even after undergoing so many sufferings" said Gurumurthy, with genuine admiration.

"Whenever I face a problem in my life, I will think about the good fortunes I have had in my life and rejoice. The love and affection showered on me by my parents, my ability to do well in my studies despite my chronic ailments, my high school headmaster who encouraged and helped me, my proprietor who went to extraordinary lengths to help me perform my job, by devising ways to overcome my shortcomings, the fortune that shined on me in the form of my wife, my son who has so much concern and affection for me...When I have been blessed with so many good things in my life, why should I grieve over my sufferings?" said "Sick Sitaraman' with a smile that reflected his cheerful mind.

"No setback will affect you, sir. You will live long with good health and happiness. Meeting you in this hospital room is a blessing for me" said Gurumurthy, feeling overwhelmed.

Gurumurthy's son who stepped into the room told him, "Dad! A single bed room has fallen vacant. You can move over there."

"No. I am happy to be in this room, with my friend here!" said Gurumurthy, looking at Sitaraman, with a friendly smile.

Thirukkural
Section 2

Materialism

Chapter 63
Unfazed in the Face of Trouble

Verse 625 (in Tamil):
adukki varinum azhivu ilAn uRRa
idukkaN idukkaN padum.

Meaning:

if one remains unfazed even under an onslaught of adversities, 

his torments will be tormented

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'sick sItArAman' by the same author.) 

Verse 626
Verse 624

1140. What Ails Kumudhini?

People tell me that Kumudhini, living in the house opposite of mine, has gone mad. But I don't think so

Kumidhini is not a person close to me. Living in opposite houses, we two would see each other now and then. During those times, we would just exchange a smile by way of acknowledging that we knew each other.

The reason for some people coming to the conclusion that Kumudhini has gone mad is that there have beem some peculiar changes in her behaviour, since the past few days.

They say that while walking on the street, she is talking to herself and laughing out loud.

While remaining in her house, she would sometimes lock herself into a room. People outside the room would hear her talking to someone. Sometimes, she would talk angrily and some other times, she would beg. Sometimes, there would be footsteps of her running inside the room.

Once, her mother heard her saying, "Catch me if you can!" in a loud voice and laughing loudly. This was followed by the sound of her running inside the room.

Perturbed by this, her mother knocked at the door of the room. The noises stopped immediately. After a couple of minutes, Kumudhini opened the room and asked her mother calmly, "Why did you call me, mom?" as if nothing had happened.

Her mother asked her, "What was the noise? Whom were you chasing within the room?"

Kumudhini, visibly surprised by her mother's question, replied, "How can I chase anyone within the room? There is no one else in the room!"

Kumudhini's mother reported this incident to several people and lamented about the strange behaviour of her daughter. 

After hearing this, people began to look at Kumidhini in a strange way and laugh, as if mocking at her.

But, I don't laugh like others do. I know what ails Kumudhini.

Kumudhini is afflicted by a disease called 'love.' People afflicted by this disease, will initially try to conceal it from others. But the disease will reveal itself in many ways and show the person as mad, to the outside world, leading to people laughing at the afflicted person.

If the 'love' comes to the knowledge of the girl's parents and if they approve of it, then the disease will be cured.

That was what happened to me some time back. At that time, Kumidhini was one among those who mocked at me. 

Now, when Kumudhini sees that while others are laughing at her, I am not, Kumudhini acknowledges my empathy through her look. I can read the message, 'Earlier, when you were afflicted by the disease of love, I was among those who laughed at you. Only when I experience what you have experienced in the past, do I realize how stupid I had been in laughing at you!' conveyed to me by her gaze.

Thirukkural
Section 3

Love

Chapter 114
Shedding Shyness

Verse 1140 (in Tamil):
yAm kaNNin kANa naguba aRivillAr
yAm patta thAm padA ARu.

Meaning:

Ignorant folks sneer at me, when they see me. Ah, they haven’t been through what I have undergone.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'kumudhinikku vandha nOy' by the same author.)

Verse 1141 (Soon)
Verse 1139