71. Five Years after Marriage

When Shenbagam got married, she was twenty two years old. Her husband Sankaran was working in a junior position in a private firm, drawing a modest salary. She had known these details before her marriage.
 

When Sankaran came to her house before the marriage for meeting her as per the convention, it was she who had a good look at him. He didn't seem to take a good look her at all. It appeared that he came to her house just to observe the formality of seeing her, as required by convention.

Shenbagam would have been considered a good-looking girl by anyone who looked at her. Her mother had dreams of a wealthy groom taking her as his wife, charmed by her looks. She was not happy about Shenbagam marrying Sankaran, whose economic status was just average. 

But Shenbagam's father wanted to get her married at the earliest and found Sankaran an acceptable match for his daughter.

Shenbagam had no expectations about the groom. However, she had a grievance that Sankaran didn't seem to take notice of her looks. He didn't even seem to have looked at her face closely.

Even after their marriage, it appeared to Shenbagam that Sankaran didn't pay much attention to her. He never told her 'You are beautiful, 'I love you' etc., things husbands usually tell their wives.

He had never been rude to her. He had never been angry with her. If she committed any mistake, he wouldn't say anything. 'Either he should shout at me or say 'it's alright,' Shenbagam would muse. She was unable to decide whether he felt angry about her making the mistake or condoned her mistake, or just ignored it.

It had been five years since the two were married. They had two children, Balu and Shanti. Since they wanted to limit the number of children to two, Sankaran christened their second child 'Shanti,' in keeping with the conventional belief that if the parents named a (girl) child Shanti or Mangalam (meaning auspicious ending), no more children would be born to them!

Balu was four years old and Shanti was two. Sankaran doted on both the children. The children were also more attached to him than they were to Shenbagam.

Shanbagam once told them, in a lighter vein "It is me who takes care of your needs. But you are more attached to your daddy than to me!" The children laughed. Sankran also joined in their laughter. It was one of the rare moments when he had a hearty laugh. It appeared to Shenbagam that the burden of running the family on a modest income had made feelings like love, affection, joy etc. dry up in his mind.

Shenbagam was laid up with fever. During the five years of her marriage, she never had an occasion to be forced to rest on account of illness. But this time, she had no strength to get up and do her normal activities.

Balu and Shanti skipped the school and remained with their mother, sitting beside her constantly and watching her, as if hoping that any time she could recover from her illness, jump out of the bed and resume her normal activities.

Sankaran took her to a private hospital for treatment. The hospital made her undergo some tests, prescribed medicines and sent her home.

Her neighbour Alamelu prepared gruel in her home and brought it to Shenbagam. She also brought food for the children. When she offered food for Sankaran, he declined her offer. "You have already taken the burden of feeding our children. I don't want you to burden more. I will manage. Thank you" he said, politely.

"But where will you take your food?" asked Alamelu.

"I have been dining at my friend Murali's house."

Shenbagam recovered from her illness after about a week. Murali's wife Gita came to see her.

After Gita inquired Shenbagam of her health, Shenbagam told her, "I am thankful to you for providing food to my husband for the past several days."

"He never dined at our house. In spite of our repeated pleadings, he refused to eat" said Gita.

"But he said that he was dining at your house!" exclaimed Shenbagam.

"He might have said that just to make you feel relieved. From the time you became unwell, your husband had been skipping his meals most of the time. My husband told me that Mr. Sankaran was only taking a piece of bun and a cup of tea occasionally in a teashop near his office. He told me 'I have never seen my friend grieving so much. His eyes were red. I think he has been crying secretly.'"

Shenbagam was stunned by what Gita told her. She had never thought that Sankaran was capable of crying. She felt both joyous and painful to learn that he skipped his meals, worrying about her and that he cried for her.

'Oh, my dear! If you had even given me a hint about the abundance of love you have had for me, I would have been the happiest woman in the world!' thought Shenbagam, as if addressing Sankaran.

Gita continued talking: "I heard this from my husband only now. After your second child was born, Mr. Sankaran underwent vasectomy because he didn't want you to become physically weaker by undergoing tubectomy. Oh, my goodness! My husband told me that you didn't know about this. But I have blurted out this information, without thinking. I am sorry."

Tears began to roll from Shenbagam's eyes and soak her cheeks.

Thirukkural

Section 1
The Path of Virtue

Chapter 8
Love and Affection

Verse 71 (In Tamil)

anbiRkum uNdO adaikkum thAzh Arvalar
punkaNIr pUsal tharum.

Meaning:

Can there be a latch to lock in and hide love?

It will reveal itself through tears when a loved one is in trouble.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'anbu vandhadhu ennai ALa vandhadhu' by the same author)

Verse 72
Verse 70