142. At the Doorstep of Humiliation

When Guru saw Jayanthi for the first time, the thought that instantly arose in his mind was, 'how I wish that she were my wife!'

Jatanthi was married to Jagadeeswaran, Guru's colleague in the office.

After Jagadeeswaran brought Jayanthi to his house, after the marriage, Jagadeeswaran's friends in the office went to his house to wish the newly wed couple. It was at that time that such a thought occurred to Guru.

Though a counter thought also surfaced in his mind questioning whether he should entertain such a thought about his friend's wife, Guru realized that that thought tickled his mind and made him feel excited.

When Jayanthi brought a tray containing cups of coffee and offered the cups to the visitors, going to them one after another and inviting them through her smile to pick up a cup, Guru felt like touching her hand, adorned by bangles that were clinging as she moved.

After that occasion, Guru made it a point to visit Jagadeeswaran's house a few times, in the guise of visiting his friend. Though he was aware that his crush towards Jayanthi, even if it was suppressed in his mind, was inappropriate, he could not quell the attraction he had been feeling for her.

Jagadeeswaran had to go out of station for a few days, on official work.

"You are leaving your newly-wed wife alone and going for an official tour!" Guru asked Jagadeeswaran.

"Yes. But we are living in an apartment block. If my wife needs anything, she can take the help of our neighbours. Moreover, Jayanthi is a brave woman, by nature. So, she can manage things" said Jagadeeswaran.  

The evening after Jagadeeswaran had left on a tour, Guru felt restless. He felt an urge to visit Jagadeeswaran's home and see Jayanthi.

'What is wrong in visiting her and saying hello to her? If I become friendly with her, she may be attracted by me!' thought Guru.

Unable to control the urge to visit her when she was alone, Guru left for Jagadeeswaran's house.

When Guru pressed the calling bell, Jayanti opened the door. The black color sari worn by her and her dark unplaited hair that was flowing like waves on either side of her face stirred up a feeling of mild fear in him.

Seeing Guru, she asked, "oh, you!" standing near the door, which she had opened partially. She didn't attempt to open the door fully and ask him to come in.

"Yes" said Guru, bringing a smile on his face, with some difficulty. "Jagad has left, hasn't he?"

"Yes. He left in the afternoon" said Jayanthi, standing in the same position.

Guru was not sure what Jayanthi was thinking about his visiting her. Has she taken it as normal or has she begun to doubt his intentions?.

Seeing that Guru was silent, Jayanthi asked him, "Is anything the matter?"

As Guru began to think how he was going to answer her question, he suddenly felt a chill running through him.

'What am I doing! Driven by the attraction I felt for another man's wife, I have come to her house and am standing at her doorstep. What a degrading behaviour!

'If Jagadeeswaran were to become aware of the attraction I have felt for his wife, what will he think about me?

'If Jayanthi becomes suspicious of my intentions, what will she do? Will she yell and make her neighbours come here? If some of her neighbours rush here, responding to her cries, what will I tell them?

'If people come to a conclusion that I came here with a bad intention and I suffer humiliation, what will happen to my life?

'Even if it doesn't happen, but if Jayanthi thinks that I have come here with an ignoble intention, can I visit this house again? Will I be able to continue my friendship with Jagadeeswaran?

'What a foolish blunder I was about to commit!'

Guru stepped back a little and told Jayanthi, "Since you are alone, with Jagad being away, I just wanted to check whether everything was alright here, whether you were safe and whether you needed any thing." 

"I have no problem here. Everything is fine. I am grateful to you, for your concern for my welfare and having taken the trouble to come here to check everything is fine" said Jayanthi, with a smile.

Seeing her smile, Guru heaved a sigh of relief, thinking, 'how narrowly I pulled myself, at the last minute, from falling into a pit of disgrace.

Thirukkural

Section 1
The Path of Virtue

Chapter 15
Not Desiring Another Man's Wife

Verse 142 (In Tamil)

aRan kadai ninRAruL ellAm piRan kadai 
nnRArin pEdhaiyAr il. 

Meaning:

Of all those who have been beyond the boundaries of morality, there are no greater imbeciles than those who go after another’s wife.

(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'manam pOna pOkkilE' by the same author.)

Verse 143 (Soon)
Verse 141