He was the leader of a team in his company. There were six members in his team, including him. He had to speak to the team members quite often about work, sometimes individually and sometimes addressing them as a group.
When he was talking to the group, some in the group would talk among themselves. Sometimes, someone would interject him or raise some point not relevant to the discussion.
When he was talking to the group, some in the group would talk among themselves. Sometimes, someone would interject him or raise some point not relevant to the discussion.
Madhavan knew that he couldn't mend them using his authority.
Sometimes, someone in his team would do a task given by him in a way different from the way in which he had asked that person to. If Madhavan questioned that person, he or she would say, "Did you say like that? I didn't get it right. I am sorry!"
Unable to overcome the communication problem, Madhavan started giving instructions to the team members, through email. He found it irksome that he had to communicate through email with a person sitting at a hearing distance from him. But he was helpless.
After that, if he gave any oral instruction to his team members, some of them would say, "Why don't you send me an email?"
Such replies made him even more irritated.
Learning that an Advisor who had joined his company recently gave solutions to communication problems, Madhavan approached him and explained his problem.
Even as Madhavan was narrating his problem, the Advisor intercepted him saying, "Mr. Madhavan! I can see what your problem is. Why do you wear such a serious look on your face."
"That is how my face expression is!" said Madhavan, trying to smile.
"You are smiling now. Practice having a smiling face always."
"How do I practice it?"
The Advisor taught him some exercises. "Practice these exercises for one month. After that, you will find that your team members listen to you, with attention."
After two months, Madhavan met the Advisor, again.
After two months, Madhavan met the Advisor, again.
"How are things now?" asked the Advisor.
"My team members listen to me more attentively than they did earlier. But I find that after some time, their attention gets shifted."
"Let us check what the problem is" said the Advisor.
"Let us check what the problem is" said the Advisor.
He called four of his assistants. He then told Madhavan, "Assume that these are your team members. Explain a task that they have to perform."
Madhavan spoke to them, the way he would talk to his team members.
Madhavan spoke to them, the way he would talk to his team members.
The Advisor observed him talking. After fifteen minutes, the Advisor said, "That's enough."
He then sent his assistants back to their seats.
"Mr. Madhavan! I am giving my assessment based on my observation. You are particular about doing things in the proper way. So, when you find that others don't understand what you say correctly, you get angry. Your anger is reflected in your words" said the Advisor.
"Sir! I didn't talk to your assistants angrily!" said Madhavan.
"You don't show your anger deliberately. But your anger gets expressed in your tone and in the words you use. Those who listen to you will feel hurt by the tone and the words used by you. After that, they will unconsciously stop listening to you. Even if they try to listen to you, your words won't get registered in their minds."
"Mr. Madhavan! I am giving my assessment based on my observation. You are particular about doing things in the proper way. So, when you find that others don't understand what you say correctly, you get angry. Your anger is reflected in your words" said the Advisor.
"Sir! I didn't talk to your assistants angrily!" said Madhavan.
"You don't show your anger deliberately. But your anger gets expressed in your tone and in the words you use. Those who listen to you will feel hurt by the tone and the words used by you. After that, they will unconsciously stop listening to you. Even if they try to listen to you, your words won't get registered in their minds."
"What should I do?"
"When you came to me for the first time, I should have conducted a mock session like this and made a complete diagnosis of the problem faced by you. It was my mistake to have hastily seen one change you needed to make, advised you on that and sent you away, without realizing that you had another problem that needed to be addressed!"
"Sir! You are holding such a high office in our company but you talk to me, who is lower to you in rank, about your mistake!" said Madhavan, genuinely moved by the Advisor's humility.
"If we learn to speak in a pleasant way, humility will automatically become our second nature. Or, if we cultivate humility, we will start speaking pleasantly, even without consciously attempting to do so."
"If we learn to speak in a pleasant way, humility will automatically become our second nature. Or, if we cultivate humility, we will start speaking pleasantly, even without consciously attempting to do so."
"Great, sir!"
"Have you understood what you have to do?"
"Yes, sir. The two things mentioned by you. One, I should keep a smiling face. I have already cultivated this habit. Two, I should speak in a pleasant way. I will practice this also. Thank you, very much!"
"Good. I am sure you will succeed. If your problem is still not solved, you may come to me again, after a month."
After a month. Madhavan came to meet the Advisor. But this time, he came to thank the Advisor.
"Good. I am sure you will succeed. If your problem is still not solved, you may come to me again, after a month."
After a month. Madhavan came to meet the Advisor. But this time, he came to thank the Advisor.
Thirukkural
Section 1
The Path of Virtue
The Path of Virtue
Chapter 10
Speaking Pleasantly
Speaking Pleasantly
Verse 93 (In Tamil)
mugaththAn amarndhu inidhu nOkki agaththAnAm
insol inidhE aRam.
insol inidhE aRam.
Meaning:
To look at someone with kindness, to smile at them
and to say pleasant words, is being virtuous.
(This is the English version of the Tamil story 'mellap pEsungaL' by the same author)
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